Review Assassin Method Part 2: How to Write Human-First Reviews That Rank in AI Search
🗡️ REVIEW ASSASSIN METHOD: PART 2
You’re not writing content. You’re training the machine to trust you. This is how we build voice authority that gets lifted, not lost.Listen up, assassins, because ChatGPT’s recent search updates mean they’re not messing around anymore.
1. Write for Humans, Optimize for AI
Gone are the days of churning out keyword-stuffed, robotic reviews that might trick the old Google algorithm for a hot second.
Now it's about writing content people actually want to dig into… not just read and bounce.
That means real answers, on multiple levels, written like a human who gives a damn.
And guess what? That’s where we thrive.
People-First-Thinking Reviews: Serve the Users, developing a train of thought, not the Search Engine
Remember those awful reviews that read like a jumbled list of specs and keywords? You know the target is a single keyword and hope for the best?
They were trying to please the Google gods, not actual human beings. Our assassin approach is all about flipping that script.
In an Air Purifier review of mine, I scrapped the specs list and led with “I live in Cambodia, so I needed something that could handle real dust, not theoretical tests.”
Guess which one ranked?
2. Serve the Reader’s Thought Process
When we write a review, we imagine talking to a friend who’s genuinely interested in the product.
Think about the questions they’d ask, the follow-ups, the concerns. Now, instead of dry technical details, let’s communicate in real life…
Does this laptop make travel easier? Does this camera make those special moments even more vibrant?
Paint a picture with your words…
If your content can be replaced by AI, it deserves to be.
You wouldn’t tell your mate the secret of your camera without telling them why it matters to you and most importantly them, in the coolest most natural way possible, you’re not writing a fucking business report.
And that’s how you create a review that’s actually worth reading.
3. Prove You’re the Real Deal
AI tools like ChatGPT are Awesome, and while they can’t replace that human touch, in order to rank in them, well, you must really use your human touch…
These AI are suckers for NLP understanding… real human language, spoken word.
A real review doesn’t read like a spec sheet. It sounds like someone who’s been in the trenches… who knows the product and the person they’re writing for.
What to rank… know your shit, speak like a human, and, most importantly… speak to a real person.
Most creators are still chasing rankings. We’re building authority, and that comes from humans.
So, how do we prove we know our stuff while being human as foooook? Here are a few ideas:
Speak to your friend: You aren’t speaking to a stuffy English professor, use real language, anticipate pushback.
Screenshots: Show yourself putting the product to use.
Insider Tips: Share those little tricks or shortcuts you’ve discovered.
Honest Comparisons: Don’t just do “this vs that.” Share when this worked better for you… In real life, in a real use case.
4. Find Your Voice, Find Your Tribe
The real thing you have to understand is this now… who the fuckety fuck are you speaking to…
Most people are afraid to write how they talk, because they’ve never been listened to when they do.
But let’s take a step back…
If you’re not an expert in everything, that’s okay!
That’s the beauty of niching down.
Become the go-to reviewer for a specific type of product or audience, and your genuine knowledge will shine through…
Who do you communicate with the best?
For me, I don’t do flakes. I’m a rough around the edges guy, I’m not perfect, I use profanity, but I’ve a sharp mind, and most of my readers do too. I’m not some guru trying to bullshit you into a sale.
That’s me, and what I’ve found, that’s my audience too…
So think about it, who do you speak to easily?
It could be your mate Alex… if it is, build a persona around him… and talk only to him when you're writing.
Generative engines like ChatGPT and Perplexity reward reviews that sound like conversations, not config sheets.
That’s why this isn’t just style… It’s a strategy. This is GEO in action.
5. Don’t Piss Off the AI
We’re in this for the long haul, which means avoiding shady tactics that might get quick results but come crashing down when AI wises up.
Here’s a quick rundown of the usual suspects when it comes to spammy reviews:
Keyword Stuffing: Cramming your review with the same phrase over and over again.
Hidden Links: Trying to sneak in links to unrelated sites or shady affiliate stuff.
Fake Reviews: Whether it’s paid positive reviews or bashing the competition with bogus claims.
This type of garbage isn’t worth the risk. AI’s algorithms are beasts, and they’re getting better all the time at spotting manipulation.
We assassins are playing a smarter game.
By doing things the right way, our reviews will age like fine wine, not get slapped with a penalty, and disappear into the internet void.
Most people stop here.
You won’t.
That’s what makes you dangerous.
In Part 3, I break down my 7-part review framework, from layout to schema, to snippet bait.
It’s the structure I use to rank on ChatGPT, Google, and everywhere in between.
6. Assassins Win the Long Game
By putting in the work to create reviews that are genuinely helpful and by avoiding those shady shortcuts, we’re building something sustainable.
Our reviews will not only rank well in AI but also earn the trust of our audience. And that, my fellow assassins, is the recipe for long-term success.
Most people stop here. You won’t.
That’s what makes you dangerous.
In Part 3, I’m handing you the 7-part framework I use to build every review, from voice to layout, schema to snippet bait.
It’s not theory. It’s the exact process behind the reviews that rank in ChatGPT, Perplexity, Google… and most importantly, with real people.
This is where most “experts” get exposed.
Next article, you’ll see the whole structure laid bare — what to say, where to say it, and why it matters to both the algorithm and your reader.
Read it. Steal it. Use it.
👉 Part 3: The Review Assassin Framework… Structure That Ranks, Resonates, and Converts (drops in 2 days…)